Winter is coming! That means we are going to be spending more time at home. And, if you happened to reside on planet Earth, then you may recall some significant changes in your lives since March 2020. One of the major behavioral changes experienced during the pandemic was our sexual activity. According to a recent study about sexual activity changes during COVID-19, we had less sex, masturbated less, and added fewer sexual partners but increased our appetite for sexual variety (Lehmiller, Garcia, Gesselman, & Mark, 2020). Sexual variety meant that we explored more sexting, sending nude photos, cybersex, recording our masturbation sessions, and trying new positions with our intimate partners. So, with winter about to shut many of us in our houses again, and for those of us with kids always around, we offer these fun stealth sex positions for quiet sex.
Spooning is an incredibly intimate position where you and your partner lay on your sides and face the same direction. The person in the rear position is the “big spoon” and the person in front is the “little spoon.” As our bodies curl together, the big spoon is able to enter their partner vaginally or anally, with or without toys. The big spoon is able to enhance the the little spoon’s pleasure through nipple, clitoral, or erection play by reaching over their partner. This position offers additional variety too. The little spoon can lift their top leg in the air or curl it over the big spoon’s hip. This position can also be hidden under covers.
Side-by-side facing each other
In this position you face your partner while each of you lay on your sides. This position is more challenging for penetration, but hands and fingers can wander. A leg lifted just a little gives amazing access. Want to make it really hot? Try not using your hands and only press your bodies together while moving your hips toward each other. Skin-on-skin contact is erotic as fuck! And it is intimate. Denying each other access to our while moving your bodies together can really get the motor going, all while keeping everything as quiet as possible.
This position is the seated person sits upright and cross-legged while the other partner wraps their legs over the seated person hips, and their arms over/around the seated person’s shoulders. With or without penetration, this position is intimate and can be done quietly. Most of the movement is close hip movement.
Now this position may be challenging for those of us who are not as limber as needed for the position. Adapt the position to fit your comfort but maintain the closeness of one body sitting atop the other body in an upright, seated position. If someone gets a little loud, kiss them.
Sorry for the lame Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure quote…and pretty much every sophomoric joke you’ve ever heard, but position 69 is perfect for quiet, stealthy sex. The position is one partner laying on their back while the other partner inversely lays (or hovers/kneels) over their partner. With both of your mouths giving your partner’s sexy parts attention, it’s more difficult to be noisy. Beds still might squeak, but not as obviously. Wanna hear my favorite joke about this position? How about we 68 and you can owe me one. Buduhmpuh! I know. Don’t quit my day job.
Get that chair
Chairs are a great prop for stealthy sex! The seated person can be straddled with their partner facing them or facing away. Alternatively, the person can kneel (one knee or both) on the chair’s seat while the other partner slides in behind. Or, simply bend over the back of that chair and grab hold of the seat for stability. There’s actually so many variations of using a chair as your prop that we can do it justice in this blog. In fact there are chairs you can buy specifically designed for sex. While not stealthy, per se, they can definitely enhance your pleasure! We recommend not having the chair in the middle of the room as it will slide and make noise. Make sure the chair is braced so it won’t move…then get after it! Quietly, of course.
Doggie on the floor
Take this classic position off the bed and put it on the floor! This position is one partner on their hands and knees with the other partner playing cards on their partner’s back. Just kidding! The partner sliding in from behind is fucking their partner. And by fucking I mean slapping ass and grabbing the hair. Well, I guess that would be an epic fail for stealth sex. So, instead, keep the slapping to a minimum. This is a stealth position because the floor provides a quieter base than many beds do. Plus it’s just plain hot. We recommend putting something under your knees to lessen the rugburn…unless you like rugburns that is.
This is obviously in no way an exhaustive list. Get creative. The key to stealthy sex is really getting as close as possible while making the least amount of noise possible. Handjobs under blankets are great too! Leave your comment about your favorite stealthy, quiet sex move! We’d love to try it out ourselves!
Lehmiller, J.J., Garcia, J.R., Gessleman, A.N., & Mark, K.P. (2020). Less sex, but more sexual diversity: Changes in sexual behavior during the COVID-19 Coronovirus pandemic. Leisure Sciences. Accessed at https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/01490400.2020.1774016